I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
