Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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