Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
