spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
