dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
