The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
