why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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