i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
