shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize