8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So apparently I’m into choking now
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