i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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