it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
