is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
