I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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