Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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