Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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