I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize