he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
