jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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