Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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