if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
