woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
