Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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