Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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