Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
