You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
