somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
