well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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