And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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