I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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