you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
