Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
