There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
