The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
