i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
