question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
