I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
