Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
