Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
