loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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