I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
