I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
