i just google imaged poop.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
