Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
