Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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