I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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