your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
