Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
