apparently the secret to your success is patron
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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