I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
