Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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