how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
