I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
