He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
