People in love make me want to vomit
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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