I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize