Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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