I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
