nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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