i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
