Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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