____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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