home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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