I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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