My hand turned me down
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize