Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
