fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
