i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He? As in you personified your dick?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize