my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
