I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
