Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
